Anger management is a topic that comes up with a lot of my clients.
There are many types of anger and, believe it or not, feeling angry can actually be very healthy for you.
Healthy anger is when it is proportionate to the cause, deliberate and in response to a “flight or fight” experience. Its a natural instinct that something might be wrong and that we need to defend or protect ourselves. It’s a impulsive, reactive form of anger that is normal to feel.
For instance, say you’re approached by a mugger who points a gun at you and demands all of your money. While you are certain to feel fear, anger will also be a primary emotion. You’ll be pretty ticked off that someone just violated you they way they did, right?
This type of anger is understandable. It comes up in the moment and is propotional to the experience you just had.
However, there are other forms of anger that come out in more destructive ways, that aren’t the direct result of a current circumstance. Anger management is important when its expressed in ways that can get you into a heap of trouble such as the following:
- Verbal abuse which is temper tantrums, name calling, bullying and the like.
- Physical aggression towards other people or property.
- Repressed anger that is “controlled” until it eventually erupts in a big way against yourself or others.
- Resentment which is “anger on simmer” that leads to loathing, blaming others, being disgusted, etc.
- Passive aggressive behavior that comes out as giving someone the cold shoulder, withholding love and/or affection, lots of sarcasm or hostility.
- Payback anger which is when someone feels they’ve been “wronged” in some way, holds a grudge and is hell bent on making that person’s life miserable.
- Outright Rage which is the end-all, be-all of anger which is an uncontrolled, full on, irrational expression of anger that is way out of proportion to the incident that just triggered it.
All of these forms of anger can be catastrophic because they are destructive and have grave consequences. As a result, it’s really important to deal with your anger in the moment and not bury it, repress it or ignore it because it will come back and bite you in the butt!
Enter stage left .. anger management.
There are all kinds of ways to deal with anger effectively. The one I teach my clients is one that I learned when I was studying energy medicine. It’s quick, easy and works like a charm!
7 Steps for Effective Anger Management
Start by feeling the source of your anger, then rank how strong the anger feeling is 1 = limited, 10 = extremely strong.
- Stand with your palms flat, fingers spread apart, hands on your thighs and take a deep breath in.
- As you exhale make the “shhh” sound like you’re in a library telling someone to pipe down.
- Do a deep inhale while you swing your arms out to your sides, parallel to the ground, then continue all the way up above your head.
- Flip your hands so your palms are facing behind you and make fists.
- Exhale while making the “shhh” sound, lowering your fists in front of you (arms bent) then drop them down to your sides (arms now straight down). Do this forcefully, and quickly in one smooth movement. Feel your power and energy unleashed as you make this downward movement. Note: you can also use someone’s name instead of the “shhh” sound as you do this movement in #5.
- In your mind, think about the source of your anger while repeating the exercise at least 3 times.
- Continue repeating the exercise until you can rank the feeling a 3 or 4.
This is a very effective anger management strategy. It’s a way to move the angry energy through you so you can release it and get grounded and centered again. This is a great exercise for anxiety as well.
Try it and let me know what you think!
Also, if you have issues with anger, I encourage you to apply for an initial consultation – first one’s on me, so no cost to you!
Hugs,
