While depression is extremely common, it is widely misunderstood. Many, if not most, of my clients come to me with so many misperceptions about depression. They don’t understand what depression is, how they got it or how they can get rid of it. As a result, they tend to follow advice and strategies that don’t work. Or, worse, they don’t get help at all until they’ve hit their personal rock bottom.
It’s important to understand what depression is and, what it isn’t, so get you can make informed decisions about treatment and other next steps.
Myth #1: Depression Is a Disease
I start with this one because it is the most common one I hear. This is broadly supported by the pharmaceutical companies and medical professionals because, as I said earlier, they have something to gain by making you believe you are somehow “sick”. The truth is, scientific evidence has not proven that depression is an illness or biological disease.
In fact, there is a total lack of evidence that depression is a disease. Yet, they put it in the same category as cancer, diabetes or other biological conditions. It hasn’t been proven that depression is a biological or pathological condition. Nor has it been proven that depression is caused by a chemical imbalance in the brain. All of this is simply a hypothesis at this point.
A 50 year research study concluded that there wasn’t any abnormality in the blood, spinal fluids or brain of someone who is depressed. If this study is correct, and it’s not a disease, then how can one conclude that meds are the best form of treatment?
With that said, your depression does impact you on a biological level.
You live in a body and, in that body, everything is experienced on a biological level. When you feel something, you have a natural biological response to it. For instance, your heart races, your blood pressure may rise, you may hold your breath, tighten your muscles and your pupils may dilate. All of this is a biological, I’d even argue, an energetic response.
If you are depressed, you are holding energy in your body and this holding will affect you on all levels of your life – biologically, emotionally, energetically and spiritually. We will talk more about how depression affects your body in later chapters.
Myth #2: Depression is Something That You “Get”
This is another good one because it insinuates that you somehow “caught” depression, much like you catch the flu. This implies that you had nothing to do with it. That you’re a victim. This relieves you of any responsibility, just like you weren’t responsible for getting the flu. However, just like getting the flu, you’re responsible for doing what you need to do to get better.
So, no, you don’t “get” depression. However, it does come about as a result of how you choose to handle difficult situations, feelings and thoughts. When you suppress, and try to avoid difficult situations, feelings and thoughts you feed the demons and fuel your depression. The longer you do this, the more depressed you feel.
This is not to say that you’re to blame. While you’re not a victim, it’s also not your fault. What I am proposing is a new way of thinking that will open you up to new possibilities of why you’re depressed and how you can overcome it.
You, my friend, hold the key! You hold the key to the closet that holds all of your skeletons. You hold the key to learning new approaches, skills and techniques that will get you through this! You’re in charge!
Scary thought, huh? Well, stick with me because I am here to guide you and show you the way. It really isn’t as scary as it seems.
Myth #3: Depression is about Feeling Sad
It’s true that when you’re depressed, you do feel sad. Sadness is a normal emotion that all of us feel from time to time. Sadness is one of the fundamental emotions that we feel as well as anger, fear, joy, love, pride and shame.
What I’ve found with most of my clients who are depressed is that sadness isn’t at the top of their list. Their main complaints are feeling numb, detached and disconnected. This is because depression isn’t about feeling sad. It’s about not feeling anything at all!
Depression isn’t about feeling sad. It’s about not feeling anything at all Click To TweetLet me repeat that because I really want this one to sink in.
Depression is about not having any feelings at all! It’s about avoiding feelings all together and, in order to do this, you need to detach, disconnect and numb out.
It’s impossible to feel only the “good” feelings. You can’t choose to feel happy and choose not to feel sad. It doesn’t work that way. Feelings are feelings. So, if choose not to feel the yucky stuff, you are choosing not to feel at all. You repress and detach from all of your feelings.
The good news is that you have the ability to change this!
I invite you to make a decision to honor your feelings … to face them head on with no excuses!
I bet this just caused some anxiety didn’t it?
I know … it’s scary.
I’ve been there.
The ironic thing is that the very things you are trying to avoid – all those yucky feelings – are the very things that can set you free!
Think of them as chains that bind you. You can’t break free from those chains without the key. As I said earlier, you hold the key!
Myth #4: Antidepressants are the Best Form of Treatment
New medications are being introduced to the market place at a rapid pace. Pharmaceutical companies target medical professionals and consumers alike. They pump a ton of money in advertising campaigns that show “happy customers” that got over their depression by taking a magic pill. The message is that, if you take the medication, you can get over it too. They position it, not as a solution but the solution!
Let’s not forget that they down play the risks and negative side effects. By law, they have to disclose this and they do it in a sneaky way. At the end of the commercial, they have some guy talking so fast you can’t understand a word he says. They disclosed it and it’s your fault if you didn’t catch it all. Shame on them!
Honestly, I could write forever on this one topic! As a therapist, I am against the use of medications. Yes, in some severe cases, medications are necessary. However, it most cases, they aren’t.
There are two primary reasons I take this stance. One, our society has become more and more impatient over time. As a result, we have been programmed to search for the “quick fix” solution.
To lose weight, we look for the magic potion or pill that will allow us to lose weight without changing our diet or exercising. The same motive is prevalent for depression. We decide to take a “happy pill” to overcome depression without changing our habits, thoughts, feelings or beliefs. In both cases, we are horribly misguided and our expectations are unreasonable. Yet, we go for the “quick fix” only to end up sorely disappointed when all is said and done.
The second reason is that, in most cases, it’s the primary care physician prescribing the medication. Uh, since when were they qualified to diagnose patients with depression?! In order to diagnose someone with depression there’s a diagnostic process and specific criteria that mental health professionals use. However, after just a few minutes sitting on an exam table, you mention you’re stressed and not sleeping well – out comes the prescription pad! Ever think they might be getting a kick back? Hmm….
Myth #5: Depression is Controllable
It is natural to feel depressed, or bummed out, from time to time. We all experience life events, situations and circumstances that rock our world every now and then. Life (and, yes, shit) happens! So, depression stems from how you react and handle life!
A long time ago I was going through a program (I believe it was by Jack Canfield but it was so long ago, I can’t remember) and I remember one equation that is so simple but very powerful.
E + R = O
E(xperience) + R(esponse) = O(utcome)
The power behind this is that the experience is fixed … you can’t change it – it is what it is. Your response, however, is variable. Your response is whatever you decide it will be. As a result, how you respond will make the outcome positive or negative. Pretty powerful stuff, huh?!
So when you attempt to suppress your negative feelings or avoid tricky situations you are going to get a negative outcome. Often times, when you are depressed, you will isolate yourself to avoid certain situations or, what I call triggers, that are unpleasant. These are triggers that make you feel depressed. By isolating yourself, you feel really lonely which leads to feeling even more depressed. As an attempt to control these feelings, you self-medicate with food or alcohol. This leads to significant weight gain, which causes you to feel even more depressed.
It’s a downward spiral to a very dark, damp place!
Over 70% of people suffering with depression, never get the help they need. That’s because they think they can control it. They think that if they simply ignore the feelings, turn the other cheek, or hold their head up high that they’ll be able to control it. Unfortunately, depression isn’t something that you can or should try to control. It’s something that you need to tackle head on, address the underlying root cause and start to heal.
Myth #6: If I’m Depressed, Something’s wrong with me
There is a perception out there that, if you’re depressed, you’re weak, need to be fixed or that something’s wrong with you.
This is complete hogwash! There’s nothing wrong with you. Let me repeat that.
There is nothing wrong with you!
Hopefully, after reading the other myths, you’re clear about this now. However, in case you aren’t – it’s important for you to really take this in and internalize this. Because depression comes with such a negative stigma, most people who are depressed feel ashamed – as if they’re broken somehow. And, because they feel ashamed, they try to ignore it and cover it up – ultimately, not seeking the treatment that they need.
Myth #7: People Who Are Depressed Can’t Function
When people think of depression, they get an image of someone holed up in their room, shades drawn, walking around in their bathrobe, eating bonbons. This image contributes to the negative stigma and the shame that people feel if they’re depressed.
This is not the typical experience of people who are depressed.
Yes, in some cases, this can be the case. However, it’s uncommon. In fact, 75% of the people who take my depression test are high functioning individuals. They hold down jobs, coach their kids little league teams, participate in the PTO and live a seemingly “normal” life. In fact, if you didn’t know otherwise, you’d see them as fairly successful people.
Most people who are depressed are high functioning individuals Click To TweetAs they say, you can’t judge a book by its cover. It’s the inside that counts and most people who are depressed feel numb, bored, and lifeless on the inside – even if they present themselves differently to others.
Myth #8: You Can’t Overcome Depression
This is a common misperception. When I work with my clients, I find that it is very common for them to throw in the towel, surrender to their situation and just chalk it up to something they’ll just have to live with the rest of their life.
Nothing is further from the truth. Depression is treatable. In fact 80% of the people who receive treatment go on to live happy, fulfilling lives again!
Myth #9: Depression Will Just “Go Away” Eventually
Most people who experience depression tend to think this way. However, it’s not true … not in most cases anyway. In fact, without professional treatment, depression can continue for weeks, months and even years. In addition, it’s to get worse over time, potentially leading to suicide reinforcing how important it is to get treatment.
Summary
Now that you understand what depression is and is not, it is time to make a choice. Do you want continue living the life your living? Or do you want to take action and make changes so you can be happy again? Do you want to live your life by design or default? It’s all about choices my friend. What choice are you going to make?
Depression is a wake-up call! It’s a warning sign that something is out of balance, that your energy is blocked. It is an opportunity to regroup and begin your journey of transformation, self-compassion and self-discovery.
The question is … are you ready?
With love and light,
Dana
If you’re ready, consider scheduling a Joy Jumpstart Session with me! I’ll even pick up the tab!
