The Advantages of Low Self-Confidence
Yea, yea … I know what you’re thinking right now.
What the heck is she talking about?! How can low self-confidence be a good thing?!
When I compared confidence with self-esteem I talked about the fact that confidence is something that is learned and developed over time. Some people have a low level of confidence because they simply haven’t had the opportunity to develop this aspect of themselves.
However, there are also some people who resist building confidence because they benefit from not being confident. Granted, some of the reasons may be unconscious but the advantages exist just the same.
Now, stay with me here …
As with anything in life, consciously or unconsciously we make decisions based on the pay-off. We evaluate the pros and cons, the pluses and minuses, and decide which path will be best.
So, let’s look at all of the potential advantages for having low self-confidence.
Advantages of Low Self-Confidence
1. Minimizes Potential for Faiure
If you lack confidence you can be lazy and set low expectations for yourself. You’re less likely to take risks, so it reduces your chances of experiencing failure.
2. Predictability
By not being confident, you can predict how people will treat you. You totally get it when people don’t accept you or like being around you. As a result, you don’t have to try too hard or put out a lot of effort to develop relationships.
3. Receiving Attention
When you have a low level of confidence you seem unsure of yourself and can be perceived as being needy. This compels people to want to take care of you, build you up, and make you feel better. You receive attention you might not have received otherwise.
4. Fitting In
Because you have low self-confidence, you’re not going to be arrogant around people. As a result, people are more likely to be nice to you. Perhaps most of your family or friends are the same way so this gives you a way to fit in socially.
As you can see, there are several advantages to having a low level of confidence. In fact, whenever you have an addiction, compulsion or disorder of some sort, and you’re not willing to change, you’re getting something positive out of being that way! You actually get negative pleasure from it. You’re benefiting in a negative, rather manipulative way that doesn’t really serve you, even if it’s unconscious (and it usually).
It’s important to note that others around you will benefit from your low self-confidence as well. For instance, your partner can feel better about themselves by taking care of you. Your boss can hire you for lower wages because you’ll just feel “lucky” to have the job. People can get you to do things they want you to do because they know you won’t say “no”.
Conscious or unconscious, people will take advantage of you!
The Disadvantages of Low Self-Confidence
As with everything else, there are 2 sides to the story. There are a lot of disadvantages of low self-confidence as well.
2. Limited Opportunities
Let’s say your boss has a job opening and she’s looking within the organization to determine who is best suited for the job. She has to choose between two of her employees. Employee A is someone that won’t make eye contact, doesn’t speak up in meetings, never asks questions, has lunch by themselves and adopts everyone else opinions as their own. The second employee, comes up with new ideas, looks everybody in the eye, shakes everyone’s hand, meets co-workers for lunch, and asks really good questions.
If you were the boss, which employee would you prefer to promote to the next level? Employee A or employee B? I think we both know the answer to that, don’t we?
In fact, if you go back and read each of the descriptions again, I bet you’ll have a different energy level reading about Employee A than you have reading about Employee B. (Go ahead … test out my theory!)
2. Creates a Vicious Cycle
When you have a low level of confidence, it can be self-perpetuating – meaning it will continue forever unless something changes and can get worse. When you have low confidence, it’s typical to have an underlying negative belief about yourself such as “I’m stupid”, “I’m not smart enough”, “I’ll never measure up”, or “I’m not good enough”.
So, as you navigate through life, you’ll be finding ways to “prove” your theory. To prove that the negative beliefs you have about yourself are, indeed, true. Ultimately, this leads to anxiety, depression, low self-esteem, co-dependency and the like
3. The Downward Spiral Effect
As a result of not being confident, you’re unwilling to take risks, try new things, and meet new people. In addition, you may be more likely to tolerate unhealthy boundaries and relationships because you lack the confidence to deal with conflict effectively.
So having a low level of confidence comes with its own set of challenges. There’s an emotional, physical, financial and social cost associated with this.
Are there ways to truly boost your confidence level?
The answer is a resounding yes!
However, there’s a caveat!
Are you willing to risk losing some of the payoffs you currently experience, in order to reap the benefits you’ll get by changing?
There’s so many ways to boost your confidence and having a high level of confidence can create dramatic, positive, long lasting changes in your life.
Benefits of High Self-Confidence
The benefits may seem obvious but I’m going to list some anyway because, perhaps … just perhaps, I might mention some you haven’t thought of.
- Confidence driven, not fear driven
- Less likely to be persuaded by others
- Increased capacity and interest in taking risks and trying new things
- Healthier boundaries, more fulfilling relationships
- Potential for more opportunities
- More capable of handling adversity
- More comfortable expressing your feelings and opinions
- Improved mental health
- Increased drive and determination
- Increased enthusiasm about your future
What other benefits can YOU think of?
As I mentioned, confidence is something that you develop over time. It stems from mindset, will, attitude and courage. If you lack confidence, stick with me because I’m going to share some confidence boosting strategies that you can implement the very same day!
{{Hugs}} … Because everyone could use one!
Dana
